Merlin On Facebook Series 1
by NoNewsIsGoodNews
Summary: What it would look like if technology was invented way back in the medieval times. If you dare, read this wonderful Facebook edition of Merlin that'll rock your world! If you don't, read it anyway. Rated M because I'm paranoid.
1. The Dragon's Call

**Merlin On Facebook (Series 1)**

_**A/N: **__What would Merlin look like if everyone in Camelot used Facebook? Read through series 1 of Merlin, whether you laugh or cry at the spupidity is all up to you._

**Also, this parody is based in the style of ****"Harry Potter: Facebook News Feed Edition" ****by BurstAndBloom91. So if you enjoyed this you should definitely check that one out!**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Merlin.

* * *

**Merlin: **In Camelot, y'all!

_Hunith the Mom __and __Gaius __likes this_

* * *

**Uther Pendragon:** MAGIC IS BAD! THOSE WHO PRACTICE MAGIC – OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

_Arthur Pendragon __and __1,556 others __like this_

_Morgana, Merlin __and __Mordred __dislike this_

* * *

**Merlin: **First impression of Camelot is bad. Very, very bad. How am I suppoused to practice magic now? FML!

**Uther Pendragon: **WHAT'S THAT, BOY?

**Merlin: **Ugh, forget I said anything.

**Uther Pendragon: **Ok.

**Merlin: **Wonders if Uther really is an idiot, or an ignoramus.

_Guinevere __likes this_

* * *

**Gaius:** Just browing some books! Wonder which one I'm gonna pick today…and whoops, sounds like something broke where I'm standing on! Shouldn't be too bad.

_1 second later_

**Gaius:** AND WHOOPS NOW I'M FALLING DOWN! SOMEONE HELP ME

**Merlin: **Seriously? You're updating your Facebook status even though your head is practically smashed on the floor like mashed potatoes, and you couldn't even use your hands to damp the fall? WTF

**Gaius: **SOMEONE SAVE ME

**Merlin: **-.-

* * *

_Merlin __sent __Gaius__ a __safe landig_

**Gaius wrote on Merlin's Wall: **I OWE YOU MY LIFE!

**Merlin:** Nah, it's ok. I'm sure we can agree on something, like you giving me a spellbook and me being very secretive about it.

**Gaius: **Wut

**Merlin: **Wat

_Gaius __gave __Merlin__ a __Spellbook_

_Merlin __and __Gaius __are now friends_

* * *

**Merlin: **Watching a snobbish, blonde boy bullying someone sure takes you back to the high school years…. Ah, memories.

**Arthur Pendragon: **Are you talking about _me?_

**Merlin: **I can't see anyone else prancing around like a diva.

**Sir Leon: **Ooooohh-

**Arthur Pendragon: **SHUT UP, LEON.

**Arthur Pendragon **and **Merlin **are now friends

**Arthur Pendragon **wrote on **Merlin's Wall:** Bring it, bitch.

**Merlin: **...You honestly did not just add me to your friends requests so that you could fight me! That's so gay.

**Arthur Pendragon:** Then why did you accept my friend request?

**Merlin: **Because I thought we were only joking around

**Merlin:** Douchebag

**Arthur Pendragon: **THAT'S IT! I want your ass in jail right now!

**Merlin: **Oooh, whatcha gonna do about it?

**Arthur Pendragon: **I'm the son of Uther Pendragon, hence the last name. I'd shit my pants if I were you.

**Merlin: **…

_Merlin __became a fan of __Shitting Your Pants in Public_

**Merlin **and **Arthur Pendragon** are no longer friends.

* * *

**Gaius**wrote on **Merlin's Wall:** Glad you're making this easy for me, kid.

**Merlin: **Sorry :(

**Gaius: **It's fine, Merlin. Just… don't make it a habit.

**Merlin: **I won't! It's not like I'm gonna do this on a regular basis

_Kilgarrah The Dragon__likes this_

**Gaius: **Ok.

_Uther Pendragon __likes this_

* * *

**Merlin **_attended the _**"Let's Go Fucking Crazy! Throw Some Tomatoes At This Pathetic Boy!"**

**Merlin: **Gonna need heaps of conditoner to get these things out of my hair, ugh….

**Guinever:** Hi! I'm Guinevere, but most people call me Gwen.

**Merlin: **HOLY SHIT WHERE DID YOU COME FROM WHAT IS THIS SORCERY

**Guinevere: **Relax! I just wanted to, um, say that um, what you did was great! You know, standing up to Arthur and everything. But um…

**Merlin: **…

**Guinevere: **We _all _know that you of all people couldn't possibly slap the shit out of him. Look at you! So weak and frail

**Merlin: **…

**Guinevere: **But hey, at least you're okay!^^

**Merlin: **Wow. You're terrible at flirting.

**Guinevere: **PSSH! I wasn't flirting with you! It's just in my nature to be this nice. CAN'T YOU SEE HOW CUTE I AM?

**Merlin: **S-sure.

_Merlin __and __Guinevere __are now friends_

* * *

**Lady Helen: **How very OMINOUS of me to arrive at Camelot at this particularly late hour.

**Uther Pendragon: **I see no wrong in this!

**Lady Helen: **You never do…

**Uther Pendragon: **LET'S GO EAT SOME STRAWBERRIES!

**Lady Helen: **All according to plan

* * *

_Arthur Pendragon __poked __Merlin_

**Merlin **wrote on **Arthur Pendragon's wall:** Hey, dipshit!

**Arthur Pendragon: **You can't address me like that!

**Merlin: **Aw, you gonna cry?;)

**Arthur's Friends In The Background: **Not sure if flirting or being serious.

**Arthur Pendragon: **Do you know how to walk on your knees?

**Arthur's Friends In The Background: **'Kay, definitely flirting-

**Arthur Pendragon: **WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP! C'mon Merlin, let's do this mano a mano!

**Merlin: **I just had a manicure… but we'll do this again! Shit's not over yet.

**Arthur Pendragon:** FINE!

_Arthur's Friends In The Background __became a fan of __Merthur_

**Merlin: **?

* * *

**Kilgarrah The Dragon **wrote on **Merlin's wall:** MERLIN.

**Merlin: **Who the hell are you?

**Kilgarrah The Dragon: **It is I – the great slash dragon! I've come to your guidance.

**Merlin: **Wha-

**Kilgarrah The Dragon: **You and Arthur are both sides of the same coin. Write that up cuz I'm not repeating that ever again.

**Merlin: **This is some serious bullshit. I hate Arthur and everything he stand for. I even like Uther more than him.

**Kilgarrah The Dragon: **MERLIN!

**Merlin: **Would you stop that? I guess I really don't have any say in this…

_Hunith The Mom __likes this_

_Merlin __and __Kilgarrah The Dragon __are now friends_

* * *

**Gaius **wrote on **Merlin's wall: **I've got some chores for you today.

**Merlin: **Cut me some slack, would you.

**Gaius: **Seriously? This is the first assignment I'm giving you.

**Merlin:** Ugh, fine! Just don't make it a habit.

**Gaius: **-.-

* * *

**Merlin: **Well this is rather awkward. Not everyday a boy walks into a room with a woman in it. (_sent from mobile)_

**Morgana: **Gwen?

**Merlin: **Are everyone as stupid as Uther? I'm obviously Merlin, not Gwen.

**Morgana: ** *this goes on for a while*

**Merlin: **Nice ass though.

**Guinevere: **Merlin? This is in no way creepy.

**Merlin: **Laterzz

* * *

**Very Pale Servant Girl** wrote on **Lady Helen's wall: **brought u some snacks! Jk lolol tthey're just fruits

**Lady Helen: **I should kill you just for the hell of it. I do hate it when blonde women can't spell.

**Very Pale Servant Girl: **wuzz tha?

_Very Pale Servant Girl __is now Offline_

**Lady Helen: **Craving an apple now.

* * *

**Uther Pendragon, Arthur Pendragon **and **503 others **are attending **"Lady Helen's Concert" (Tickets sold out!)**

**Uther Pendragon: **This shall be fun! Everyone, have a seat and enjoy the show. This woman is in no way creepy.

**Merlin: **I'll just stay here in the corner. Sigh…

* * *

**Lady Helen: **Lalalalalala *does a really cool opera voice that can in no way fit into this*

_Uther Pendragon, Arthur Pendragon __and __503 others __are now Offline_

**Merlin: **I may not be the brighest bulb in the bush, but I don't think a song is suppoused to make everyone fall asleep!

* * *

_Merlin __sent __Lady Helen __a__ falling chandelier _

**Lady Helen: **Ugh…

_Uther Pendragon, Arthur Pendragon __and __ 503 others __are now Online_

**Arthur Pendragon: **THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? THE HELL IS THIS? THE HELL ARE YOU?

_Lady Helen __sent a __FLYING DAGGER OF DOOM __in __Arthur Pendagon's __direction_

**Arthur Pendragon: **Not the face!

**Merlin: **Not my destiny!

_Merlin __saved __Arthur Pendragon's __life_

_Lady Helen __is now Offline_

* * *

**Uther Pendragon **wrote on **Merlin's wall: **You just saved my son's life!

**Merlin: **No shit, shitlock.

**Arthur Pendragon: **I suppouse I should thank you…

**Uther Pendragon: **As a token of my appreciation, I hereby order you to be Arthur's manservant.

**Merlin: **BUT

**Arthur Pendragon: **BUT

**Uther Pendragon: **No butts!

**Merlin: **FML

_Arthur Pendragon __sent __Merlin a murderous glare_

**A/N: ****SO, what did you all think? I was thinking of making a parody of every episode, so there'll be 13 chapters.**

**-****NoNewsIsGoodNews**


	2. Valiant

**Merlin On Facebook (Series 1)**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Merlin.**

* * *

**Kilgharrah the Dragon:** In a land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young boy. His name…. Marilyn!

**Merlin:** Hey, that's not my name!

**Kilgharrah the Dragon:** Marilyn and Merlin sound alike, can't I call you both?

**Merlin:** I'm not a girl! I'm clearly a boy – just look at my fabulous cheekbones!

_Irene Adler __likes this_

**Merlin:** The fuck are you?

* * *

**Valiant **wrote on **Guy Who Played Mundungus Fletcher in Harry Potter's** Wall:

Now, about that shield…

**Guy Who Played Mundungus Fletcher in Harry Potter: **Hold on one second, I will make it extra fabulous for you!

**Valiant: **..How?

**Guy Who Played Mundungus Fletcher in Harry Potter: **ADHVKAJHBH AJKBDBKJD HK, and HBASHN.

**Valiant: **What the hell did you just say?

**Guy Who Played Mundungus Fletcher in Harry Potter: **Magic, dude. Magic. These snakes will now do ANYTHING you tell them to. And I am in no way foreshadowing of what is to follow.

**Valiant: **Anything, you say?

**Guy Who Played Mundungus Fletcher in Harry Potter: **FML.

Guy Who Played Mundungus Fletcher in Harry Potter is now Offline.

* * *

**Merlin: **Is getting brutally beaten and battered by prince **Arthur Pendragon.** Just another lovely day in the life of Merlin. _(sent from mobile)_

**Arthur Pendragon: **Can't really say that I'm pleased to have you as my servant. Why, my dad forced you to work for me even though we're kind of enemies now.

**Merlin: **See this face? I DON'T FUCKING CARE.

* * *

_Arthur Pendragon __sent __Merlin __a __Kick In The Groin._

**Arthur Pendragon: **Anger management never paid off.

* * *

**Merlin **wrote on **Gaius' Wall: **I NEED COMFORT HERE!

**Gaius: **What's the matter?

**Merlin: **You know, the usual. Arthur being a dick, me not being able to use magic around people. Sigh…

**Gaius: **Stop your whining and get your ass over here.

* * *

_Gaius __sent __Merlin __a __Soothing Massage._

**Merlin: **….Am feeling extremely uncomfortable. I know that massage was meant to relax me, but I just feel…. Dirty. I'd rather have someone younger do that to me.

_Guinevere __likes this._

**Merlin: **….Not you.

**Guinevere: **:(

* * *

_Arthur Pendragon __poked __Merlin._

**Arthur Pendragon **wrote on **Merlin's **Wall: Hey, dipshit, you suck at dressing me.

**Merlin: **THEN DO IT YOURSELF. It's not like you're retarded or anything. Oh, wait…

**Arthur Pendragon: **SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HAND ME MY SWORD.

* * *

_Arthur Pendragon, Valiant __and __300 others __are attending _**TOURNAMENT! DO NOT FORGET YOUR SWORD.**

**Uther Pendragon **wrote on **TOURNAMENT! DO NOT FORGET YOUR SWORD'**s Wall: Gold for anyone who wins this tournament. You will also have the honour of defeating my own son!

_Valiant __likes this._

* * *

_Uther Pendragon __poked __Arthur Pendragon._

**Uther Pendragon **wrote on **Arthur Pendragon's **Wall: You'll win this for me, yes? Make me a proud papa.

**Arthur Pendragon: **…No pressure or anything whatsoever.

**Uther Pendragon: **^.^

* * *

_70 Knights __are now Offline._

_Valiant __likes this._

* * *

**Merlin **wrote on **Arthur Pendragon's **Wall: Valiant looks pretty handy with a sword.

**Arthur Pendragon: **….

**Merlin:** ….

**Arthur Pendragon: **….

**Merlin: **….

**Arthur Pendragon: **…..

**Merlin: **…..LEAVING.

**Arthur Pendragon: **Yes, good.

* * *

_Arthur Pendragon __became a fan of _**Stupid Things Manservants Say**

_Gaius __likes this._

* * *

_Morgana, Guinevere__,__ Merlin __and __177 others __were tagged in __album _**TOURNAMENT! DO NOT FORGET YOUR SWORD.**

**Morgana: **Omg, I look like a freakshow in that pic!

**Valiant: **No, my lady, you look radiant.

**Morgana: **Aw, really?:)

**Valiant: **Yes!

**Arthur Pendragon: **Morgana and Valiant sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-

**Morgana: **Arthur - GTFO. Valiant, if you win the tournament I'll gladly sleep with you.

**Valiant: **Sounds like a fair deal.

**Arthur Pendragon: **Gag.

* * *

**Merlin: **Casually walking into a room and almost getting eaten up by snakes. Ah, the joy of being the most powerful wizard ever. _(sent from mobile)_

**Valiant: **GTFO OF MY ROOM.

**Merlin: **…

_Merlin __became a fan of _**Peeing Your Pants In Public.**

_Arthur Pendragon __likes this._

* * *

**Uther Pendragon **wrote on **TOURNAMENT! DO NOT FORGET YOUR SWORD**'s Wall: Another lovely, sunny day to kill! Give it your all and you WILL be retarded. _(via iPhone)_

**Uther Pendragon**: *rewarded.

**Uther Pendragon: **Fucking autocorrect.

**Gaius: **LOLOL.

* * *

_Dying Knight __is now __Unconscious_

* * *

**Gaius: **How did this happen? A snakebite… HOW?

**Merlin: **And he was fighting Valiant… and that shield… snakes….

**Gaius: **What'chu getting at?

**Merlin: **I'unno. Seems like a weird coincidence.

* * *

_15 minutes later_

**Merlin: **OH, now I get it! I must go!

* * *

**Merlin **wrote on **Gaius'** Wall: Valiant's using magic!:O

**Gaius: **… and in what way is this surprising? Magic was used in the previous episode.

**Merlin: **Episode?

**Gaius: **Nvm.

**Merlin: **WHAT DO WE DO GRAMPS!

**Gaius: **YOU must get some evidence before going to the king and make your statement. AND DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME GRAMPS I'M ONLY 107 YEARS OLD.

* * *

_Merlin __sent __Arthur Pendragon__ a __Snakehead._

**Arthur Pendragon: **…

**Merlin: **I'm sorry to say this, but Valiant's using magic to win this tournament! You're in grave danger, Arthur!

**Arthur Pendragon: **…Is this my dinner?

**Merlin: **THAT'S NOT EVEN THE POINT OMG.

**Arthur Pendragon: **Don't get you knickers in a twist! Tell me why I should believe a servant of all people.

**Merlin: **DESTINY.

_Kilgarrah The Dragon __likes this._

**Arthur Pendragon: **Creep.

* * *

_Arthur Pendragon__ sent __Uther Pendragon__ a __Snakehead._

**Uther Pendragon:**….Food?

**Arthur Pendragon:** Nope, this is apparently a snake from Valiant's shield. Valiant is told to have been using magic during the tournament. My servant told me this.

**Uther Pendragon: **MAGIC.

**Arthur Pendragon: **Uh.. yeah. The knight who was unconscious can vouch for that.

**Uther Pendragon: **Then bring him in.

* * *

_Dying Knight __is now Offline._

**Merlin: **FML 100x.

_Valiant__ likes this._

**Uther Pendragon **wrote on **Arthur Pendragon'**s Wall: I'm so ashamed.

**Arthur Pendragon: **Sorry…

**Uther Pendragon:** No strawberries for you tonight.

* * *

**Arthur Pendragon **wrote on **Merlin's** Wall: I can't.

**Merlin: **You can't what, exactly? Talk? Undress yourself? I've heard this term loosely before but I've never quite unserstood the meaning of 'I can't'.

**Arthur Pendragon: **I'M SACKING YOU.

**Merlin:** This I understand.

**Merlin: **For what it's worth, I'm sorry.

* * *

**Arthur Pendragon** wrote on **Stupid Things Manservants Say**'s Wall: I sacked my manservant's sorry ass! He's such a twat and not like any other servant I've ever met! But that also makes him so goddamn likeable. I can't.

* * *

**Merlin **wrote on **Kilgarrah The Dragon'**s Wall: YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG PERSON!

**Kilgarrah The Dragon: **Young Warlock, that is not true. You and Arthur share the same path.

**Merlin: **But he hates me!

**Kilgarrah The Dragon: **…Destiny.

**Merlin: **Hell no, just give me a straight answer!

**Kilgarrah The Dragon: **DESTINY.

* * *

_Kilgarrah The Dragon __became a fan of _**DESTINY**_ and _**Promoting Merthur.**

* * *

**Merlin** wrote on **Arthur Pendragon's** Wall: Withdraw.

**Arthur Pendragon: **I can't.

**Merlin: **You can't what?

**Arthur Pendragon:** I can't withdraw! It's my duty as Prince to be a good example to the people of Camelot. I just can't. And didn't I tell you to leave? I'm not good at opening up to servants.

**Merlin: **FINE.

* * *

_Merlin__ became a fan of _** Stupid Arthur.**

* * *

**Guinevere: **Enjoying some sun with mah BMF (um, best male friend) – _with __Merlin__ at __Camelot._

**Merlin: **I'm not your best friend, we're just friends at the moment.

**Guinevere: **Um, awkward…

**Merlin: **Whatevs.

**Guinevere: **You should convince Uther that Valiant uses magic. Um, it's your job after all.

**Merlin: **How the hell is it my job?

**Guinevere: **DESTINY.

**Merlin:** Ugh, not you too.

* * *

**Merlin:** Gasp! A statue! I just had the most awesome idea ever! _(sent from mobile)_

_Guinevere__ likes this._

* * *

_Morgana__ became a fan of _** Nightmares!**

* * *

**Morgana **wrote on **Arthur Pendragon's** Wall: Here, let me help you.

**Arthur Pendragon: **Whatever Merlin's been telling you, I _can _dress myself, you know.

**Morgana: **Yeah, yeah. Be careful, Arthur.

**Arthur Pendragon: **Being nice does not suit you, Morgana.

**Morgana: **IKR! I feel so uncomfortable.

* * *

**Uther Pendragon **wrote on **TOURNAMENT! DO NOT FORGET YOUR SWORD'S** Wall: I want a clean fight today! There will be no more blood and gays on this pavement.

**Uther Pendragon: ***guts.

**Uther Pendragon: **I can't.

_Arthur Pendragon, Gaius __and __300 others__ like this._

* * *

_Valiant __poked __Arthur Pendragon._

_Arthur Pendragon__ poked __Valiant._

Three more similar stories

* * *

**Merlin:**MAGIC TIME! Aabjabdkjvsmhgv adbhkjbdsa.

* * *

_Valiant__ sent __Two Snakes__ in __Arthur Pendragon's__ direction._

**Valiant: **Suck on that!

* * *

_Two Snakes__ are now __Offline._

**Valiant:**FML.

_Valiant__ is now __Offline._

* * *

**Uther Pendragon: **MAGIC. Speechless.

**Arthur Pendragon: **I hope this won't be a recurring thing, father.

**Uther Pendragon: **Me too, son. Me too.

_Merlin__ and __Kilgarrah The Dragon__ like this._

* * *

**Arthur Pendragon **wrote on **Merlin's** Wall: I s'pose I should thank you…

**Merlin: **You always say that, but you never do! It's no big deal though, just buy me a drink and we're even.

**Arthur Pendragon: **Uhh, how about you just be my servant. I'm not interested in any.. you know.

**Merlin: **…I thought you sacked me!

**Arthur Pendragon: **Well duh, not anymore. My chambers need cleaning.

**Merlin: **Roger that.

**Arthur Pendragon: **It won't clean itself, Merlin.

**Merlin: **OMFG, I got it! Geez.

_Merlin__ and __Arthur Pendragon__ are now friends._

* * *

**A/N:**** I'm so sorry it took me this long to update! But this parody will take alot of time and effort to finish. But I promise I will have chapter three up as soon as possible.**

**And your reviews make my day/night! Keeps me determined to finish this series :)**

-NoNewsIsGoodNews


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